#BLARGH I AM DEAD FULL#

I just have such a hard time motivating myself to do anything. That was what my original ‘lent’ thing was going to be this year, but I decided that it is actually much more beneficial for me to give up facebook, and that maybe in the process I would become more active and eat less. And possibly some of the bills that have accumulated that I have yet to pay. I just kind of need the money to pay for school this term. This must not be the case, because it’s consumed her since she returned home. Which is funny because when I asked her about it, she said she was done with everything all she had to do was send it in. It’s 8:10 and she still has yet to finish. Which is awesome… I’ve been waiting to file taxes for a couple months, and now my mom has been working on it since 4:30. Which I did! I was proud of myself for doing, but now I have to wait for my parents to file first, because we have a cap on how many state taxes can be filed under the turbo tax thingy that my parents have. So I don’t always get all my bills paid, because I would like to make it through school in a relatively quick manner, and think it is a better thing to spend money on.

#BLARGH I AM DEAD FULL#

My parents will give me a couple hundred, which is appreciated, I promise, but it’s not actually enough to cover even one class, let alone full time. Not that I’m complaining, or that I like relying on other people to pay my bills, but it would be nice if I was allowed a COUPLE weeks of such stuff, being as I have to pay for school myself. Unfortunately being a full time student makes it impossible for me to draw unemployment. Which seems like it would be a good thing, but I really would rather have the money I would get from working than having the day off. by train has been stuck in my head alllllll day long. or about the tremendous amount of baggage that we each would have if I ended up there. but I'm sure I would end up upset or sad with what I had to do to get there.

those are the ones I want to take and just GO with. I see a road laid out in front of me, and I can see the different ways it could go, some excellent, others while very morally questionable, are the ones that I am drawn to. I don't have a solid reason for anything. I've had a couple other people tell me there's a reason for me to be there, and I believe it also, before they were telling me that. As dysfunctional and unhealthy as it is, it seems like maybe God has put me there for a reason.

but it hurts to think that I would leave what I have right now. That's beside the point, my point really being that obviously that person was right. For as long as he can really go without talking to me. Something was said by another soul, outside of the situation, and he's not talking to me. Which is something it pains me to even write down, and I am emotionally incapable of speaking the words outloud. ya know? slightly different problems(now), being as I'm fairly certain I am a little bit in love with an emotional unavailable man. Maybe life is just the same thing in different places. Than I realized that the place I am right now has the SAME problems.

Blargh i am dead